21 April 2010

honest to blog.

right now i am so overwhelmed. i have that taffy-pulling feel again and it's making me ill. i'm to the point where i just want to drop it all and hide away. no offense and don't read into things people....but i am just tired. i am tired of everything and i just want to do NOTHING. if it's not current school job, it's future school job and summer job....if it's not photo sessions, it's editing photo sessions.....if it's not getting ready to lead praise and worship, it's reading my bible....if it's not thinking about my future wedding, it's gettting frustrated about not having time to think about my future wedding......i pull and pull and pull. i do it to myself. i overbook. i over plan. i try to please everyone. i do the things i love, but wish i could do more. i stay up late, wake up early. never sleep in. overdose on caffeine. i never get to read anymore. i rarely watch tv (and completely focus on it...not doing anything else). i don't go on adventures. i don't go to shows. i don't create as much. i don't paint as much. i don't play as much. i don't see friends (especially corey) as much as i'd like. i don't breathe as much. i have no time to run to the bathroom. i haven't exercised in almost a month. i have been eating a horrible amount of junk food. i feel run down. i feel tired. i feel worn. i feel annoyed. i feel sleepy. i feel anxious. i need a balance. i need to balance.

they say it only gets worse.

i don't do this often.....but this is how i feel. thank you jack's mannequin...thank you for being my comfort food again:

"Swim"




You've gotta swim

Swim for your life

Swim for the music


That saves you


When you're not so sure you'll survive

You gotta swim

And swim when it hurts

The whole world is watching


You haven't come this far

To fall off the earth

The currents will pull you


Away from your love

JUST KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE



I found a tidal wave

Begging to tear down the dawn

Memories like bullets

They fired at me from a gun

A crack in the armor

I swim to brighter days

Despite the absence of sun

Choking on salt water

I'm not giving in


I swim



You gotta swim

Through nights that won't end

Swim for your families

Your lovers your sisters

And brothers and friends

Yeah you've gotta swim

Through wars without cause

Swim for the lost politicians

Who don't see their greed as a flaw



The currents will pull us


Away from our love

Just keep your head above



I found a tidal wave

Begging to tear down the dawn

Memories like bullets

They fired at me from a gun

Cracking me open now

I swim for brighter days

Despite the absence of sun

Choking on salt water

I'm not giving in

Well I'm not giving in

I swim



You gotta swim

Swim in the dark

There's no shame in drifting

Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark

Yeah you've gotta swim

Don't let yourself sink

Just find the horizon

I promise you it's not as far as you think

The currents will drag us away from our love

Just keep your head above

Just keep your head above

Swim

Just keep your head above

Swim, swim

Just keep your head above

Swim

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