14 November 2009

i swear my saturdays never go as planned...

thankful thirty #14.....i am thankful for cell phones. well, i should actually be saying that i am thankful for best friends who just so happen to lend their spare cell phones to a friend, aka muah, to replace her broken cell phone, for situations like todays.....{thanks cais}

right off the bat i will tell you that i am sorry if this is all rambled up and hard to follow....i still feel mentally exhausted from what happened....and i am tired to boot. so...here is what happened....

this morning {around 8ish} my sister finally decided that today would be a perfect "lakeside mall" day {soooo much better of a mall than ours...and just 45-minutes away}...we figured the boys and corey always go play flag football in the afternoon with friends and dad said he had work to do...so we got around to get some early christmas {gasp!} shopping done. we decided to hit all of our favorite "outside of the mall" stores...like tjmaxx {yes! i got my steve madden boots!!}, old navy and michaels...then we grabbed some taco bell for lunch. it was about 12:30 or so when we finally made it into the mall....we headed straight to macy's and my phone rang.

it was dad.
in a panic.
i couldn't even totally understand what he was saying.
all i could make out was the words "excruciating pain" and "im driving myself to the ER"
i started to freak out and told him that we were on our way home.
we knew nothing...except dad was in trouble and no one was home....and that we had a 45-minute drive.

since the boys were playing football we couldnt get ahold of them. we called my aunt and uncle but they live 40-minutes away themselves and my uncle was at work. unfortunately, since my phone died, i havent bothered to put anyones number in my phone...and becca didnt have very many peoples number either.....and in all honesty, we dont have very many people to call.

ill be honest. i tried not to cry. but behind my oversized rimmed sunglasses, i was a mess. i couldn't help but think about a phone call similar...5 years ago. i had the same gut-wrenching feeling.....the sense of helplessness....the sense of fear...{ 2 timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. } i kept praying. i kept thinking..."God no. i cannot handle this again. im not strong enough" ...{ 2 samuel 22:40 For thou hast girded me with strength to battle: them that rose up against me hast thou subdued under me. } i kept wondering why all of these things keep bombarding my family and i. tears began to pour down my face as i began to think about mom.....about how today, of all days, was her birthday.....how today, i would have to go back to that wicked place.....how today, i would listen to my fathers screams and pain over the phone....not knowing what i could do.

my mind warred. my car raced. i needed to get to the hospital. then meme called....to encourage me to keep praying. to tell me that everyone on the prayer chain was contacted.....as i cried. she prayed. { james 5:16 The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. }

those 45-minutes in the car flew by....but in the same breath, didn't fly by fast enough.

we reached the hospital....escaped the parking lot....only to wait in the ER until they allowed us to go back to see dad. the knowles were there....and they had already seen him. there was talk of an appendix bursting or a kidney stone. both sounded much better than the paths my mind had wandered down. i was finally beginning to calm myself when the nurse lady let rebecca and i go into the back room.

then there he was. screaming. turning in agonizing pain. i couldnt stop the tears. i felt as though i had no control. i knew he was in pain.....the man who rarely takes medicine for anything had driven himself to the ER and was lying their hooked up to IVs....vomiting and biting his finger to numb all other feelings. when i had found out that he had already been in the waiting room for 30-minutes and was waiting in this room on a cot for quite some time...i got angry. i marched out and demanded that a nurse get back into the room and get him pain meds....he was seriously in need of them. {this makes me hate PH hospital even THAT much more....i already lost one parent there...and i wasnt about to lose another}...i was glad when the boys and corey finally showed up {muddy, stinky and scratched from football} because i needed to take my mind off the pain i saw.

eventually....after 3-hours.....we finally heard word that it was in fact a kidney stone. giving it a name just made me feel that much better. not knowing had really paralyzed me. i hate hospitals. i really do. i get major league anxiety attacks.....my legs literally feel like they stop working and i feel like i am going to vomit....i cant stop from crying when i am there either {just ask avis about when she had joshua....i had to leave....and i was just in the maternity ward at a different hospital visiting them....i literally had to escape the eery presence of bitter memories}

...now its just after 10:30 and dad is finally doing okay. we didnt even have to go pick up his prescription because almost an hour after we got home, it passed. talk about a miracle.

i just thank God that everything turned out okay.....He is definately teaching me to be strong...and not fret. it is extremely hard for me to not freak out....to not have a panic attack.....especially when ive been there before....in that helpless state. and then for this to happen today....when dad was all alone.....i felt like the worst daughter in the world.....but regardless....God was telling me that it was all in His hands....it always has been and always will be....{1 peter 5:7 Turn all your anxiety over to God because he cares for you}


13 November 2009

“Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.”

{George Bernard Shaw}

happy friday evening everyone. today was quite eventful....especially since i didn't feel very well. since we have had conferences this week, i had a half-day of school today...which ultimately means "errand day for danielle"....so in between going to the bank and getting my car washed, i was able to hit up some of my favorite places &score big.
exhibit A: {salvation army...entire total= under $3}

i can't wait to use these little dishes. i was thinking about giving them as gifts. i love this size because its perfect for rings, necklaces and earings.....
exhibit B: {the library...entire total=FREE}
exhibit C: {hobby lobby...entire total after coupon...under $3}
quite exciting if you ask me. i actually used the stamps to sport "love" on my wrist today....especially since {one of my favorite non-profit movements} it was TWLOHA day. i honestly love what they stand for...and their mission. everyone should know that there is someone {especially jesus!} who loves and cares for them. i truly believe {love is a movement}

speaking of support....and seeking needs....today i emptied my change purse out...a lady stood in front of walmart {i had pictures to pick up} with a can in her hand....usually i just pass by. being the typical, poor post-college student that i am, i "need" all my change. NOT. instead i gave it to her. i wasn't even sure what it was for until she handed me the pink flyer...with a smile on her face...and a thank you from her lips............today, i sought the needs of NAMI {nations voice on mental illness}....and made a frown turn upside down.

my post is getting quite long, but i can't sign off until i mention the things that i am thankful for today.

#12. access to art supplies....i couldn't imagine not being able to just run to the store and pick up as many things as my heart desired.

i'd honestly be lost without my pilot precise grip pen.....my journal would definitely be lonely.

Psalm45:1 My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.

well my lovelies.....its time for me to get some rest and kick this headache.


12 November 2009

sometimes....my exhaustion beats out my choice of words

today i would like to mention my thankfulness for music. it makes my world a more colorful place. some of the artists below {and some not included} have empowered, enlightened, excited and inspired me....in more ways than i can mention. not only do i love to listen...but i love to create it as well....i look forward to the day when i have more time to do so....and get another piano {i miss you ivories.}

*disclaimer....don't let the pictures fool you. there is no rhyme or reason to the order in which they were placed. with that said, i must also mention, that the photographs shown are not the only artists i listen to....just some of my all-time favorites.

that is all for tonight....


....a better post tomorrow...i promise.

11 November 2009

today i am thankful for...

#11.....my country{tis of thee}
...so i may not always agree with the choices americans {including our leaders} make...but i thank god everyday for allowing me to live in a country with more freedom than some other countries...

okay...so i apologize ahead of time for not taking a picture of the thing i am thankful for {i was too busy today...yikes}...so in lieu of a picture....i bring you this:

happy veterans day.


10 November 2009

{number 10}

i am thankful for....endurance.
endurance to carry on each day...even when i feel like giving up.

{phillipians 3:12-14}

12 Not that I have already obtained, or am already made perfect: but I press on, if so be that I may lay hold on that for which also I was laid hold on by Christ Jesus.13 Brethren, I could not myself yet to have laid hold: but one thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before,14 I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

09 November 2009

kindness can change the world as we know it.

wow. i honestly cant believe that i have waited this long to blog tonight...but ive been keeping myself busy today. right after work i came home and helped out a bit around the house...then ate dinner, ofcourse....then hit up the gym. in the midst of all that, i tried to convince myself that i need to set aside more time for....well, me. i know that sounds a bit selfish...but in all reality my "me" time really isn't about me at all....it involves all of those around me. whether its my christmas present list...or even my mini-projects....my "me" time is about "them".

speaking of others...i am proud to say that today my friend mel and i have decided to take part in a little project called: help-portrait. i borrowed a video about it from youtube to help explain the whole concept. if you feel compelled to join, please visit http://www.help-portrait.com/ ...seriously...this is majorly Seeking the Need...

there are a couple more videos on the website {i think}....but anyway, there isn't a group for the port huron-ish area...just detroit...so mel and i are thinking about coming up with something...or working with the detroit group. i can only imagine what it feels like to make someone smile....this is the exact thing that i have been looking for {thanks jen for showing it to me!}...

another thing that i have been considering...thanks to keri smith {one of my favorite artists!}...is becoming a guerilla artist! you can read all about it on her website or in her book the guerilla art kit. pretty exciting stuff.....especially to get the creative juices flowing. i have even started to make some stuff to leave randomly wherever i go...i hopes of making someones day. did i mention i love keri smith? haha. for christmas, i REALLLLLLY want her book:
definitely feel free to purchase it for me. haha ;)
alright...i really should be heading to bed now. tomorrow i have to photograph school retake pictures....apparently not that many students were missing...so im assuming it will be different than last time....oh well :) i am ALWAYS up for a new experience.
before i head off to dream of glorious things {haha...riiiiight...i barely ever remember dreams} i need to mention the thing i am thankful for today.
my Thankful Thirty....#9 is....
my hands. you help me to clap. create. work. praise. make. type. play. write. feel. and so much more.....i thank God everyday that he has given me such useful tools. it is my ultimate goal and obligation not to let them sit idle.

i hope everyone had a wonderful monday! sleep tight & dream sweetly......


08 November 2009

i forgot to fit time in for a nap...oh sunday afternoon

after church...and after dad's wonderful homemade spaghetti sauce...then "band" practice {church}.....this is how i spent my afternoon:

{**disclaimer**....today was not a day of taking good pictures...i apologize ahead of time...the color/lighting it pretty horrible...at least to me...i took pictures for visual purposes only....}

1. i made cookie brittle....and boy, was it delicious.

2. i found this awesome book in the recipe drawer. my mom definately had the eye.

3. started some practice embroidery projects for my christmas presents. this is one of my pillow cases...it will eventually say "just let me sleep".....i plan on making a small collection of these. most likely in lighter colors.

i am super excited. it is only november 8th and i already have some things crossed off my november checklist. there are so many more things that i really need to add to it....but i made a promise. regardless, i will be busy. i have been trying to get my christmas present list in order. i have ideas for most of the ladies on the list. boys, you are difficult. haha. although i have one idea in mind for my brother....since he just may be reading this...i wont say what.

well....work will be here before i know it....so i am going to set up my "craft-list" for the week. im so geeked for the holidays its sick. haha.

until tomorrow...


p.s. how did YOU spend your lazy sunday afternoon?

i am thankful for #8

.....my mouth. some people think i talk too much. too loud. and sometimes not enough. it is the instrument that delivers my voice. my words. my right to speak. my right to declare. my right to sing at the top of my lungs. my right to be silent. thank you God....may it only be used to glorify you.
i remember on my sixteenth birthday, brother kelly varner was staying with my grandparents in MA. they were having a conference at their church and he was a guest speaker....i remember we just so happened to be visiting for the conference....and stayed with my grandparents as well......i was talking, as usual...so im told, and brother varner stopped me mid-sentence and said "good god girl...youre loud"...

so many times i get ashamed when i talk too loud or too much. but then i think of how useful of a tool it can be. as i get "older" i have been trying to teach myself to be silent in the times that i need to be.....and to speak when i need to speak. (i am actually super shy at first....and get extremely nervous easily....haha)

thats all for now. its project time.....
ill try to post again later.