02 June 2009

i'm home. 4 days of mahem. but i'm home.

i stood at gate 9 at bradley international, the "calming" music left the air with a surreal feeling...my mind was left for reflection. the entire ride this morning was filled with comfort...papa at my side...yet it evolved into one of the most intense conversations i've had in a long time...especially at 5am. we talked of many things...i can't even explain them all...but i know it began with cars. i'm not sure exactly what led into it...maybe it was the corvettes...th eone that lay in pieces in my garage for years...the body was there...but the good parts lay in boxes...you know...everything that made it go. until now, its significance was just the mere fact that "i want that car"...but i now see...its life...body and parts that need to be rebuilt...the corvette led into other matters...papa began telling his point of view about the car and what the lord told him...about how he couldnt have it at the time dad was selling it...what came next..im not exactly sure how came about...he began to talk about his father and how he died too young...on his 60th birthday...he told me things ive never heard...about pentecostal days and when his mother left...and when his father remarried...we talked about love and loss...then both wrapped into one...i can sum it all up in one word: hope. paper told me some things ive never heard before..things about a time in my life i try to forget....moms death. its like someone bleeds my heart dry everytime i say it...a sucker punch to the gut...its so hard to swallow but it happened. papa told me about when they were praying for her...as she lay "on the table" in the hospital...he told me about how God told him 3 times to stop and go sit down in one of the 4 chairs in the room. he kept "waring" and asking "why? i want to see this thing happen..." then God gave him 1st thess. 4...im not 100% sure what came next and these words do not pay the conversation any justice...but i didn't leave the car crying. as i stepped outside the cadillac...grapped my bag and gave papa a kiss...for the 1st time in awhile...i feel it necessary to get my parts out of the box...all of the parts...and get myself into gear.


<3