24 October 2008

{kelly varners conference was great}

he talked about almost EVERYTHING i said two posts ago. who said you cant have fun at church on a friday night?

now....i wanna go watch the office episode i missed last night, fall asleep and SLEEP IN......i have another 8-hour shift tomorrow.

CAISEE....you better call me, missy.


c.montgomery said...

i wont be coming into town during the week, but maybe the weekend after next we can do something! by the way, starbucks has some amazing hot chocolate. i've never been a huge fan of hot chocolate but this stuff was good. i think it was their signature stuff... jennifer (my sis in-law) said their salted caramel one is good too, so now i'm on this hot chocolate craze. joy! haha anyway though, if for some reason i do find myself this way during the week i'll let ya know, but right now its not looking like it! SO we will plan on maybe the beginning of November? Since that is in like 2 weeks.. yikes. you can try to talk me into not being a slacker and going out to vote, blah. i don't feel like it, but i can't really complain about the candidates if i don't do it. hahaha whateves. The way i see we're probably screwed either way, who cares. hahaha see ya soon, i miss and love ya tons. in a non-lesbo way of course. ;o) see ya soon!

c.montgomery said...

see? this is why we are best friends. because we feel similar even when we have never come out and said it. haha i feel much better that i am not alone. i know how the not wanting to tell corey things goes. i'm the same with danny. because i have told him, obviously we live with each other so when i am having a sleepness night because my mind is getting out of control, he has tried to help, but telling me to just not be afraid or 'you just have to get over it' never seems to help. i wish i only feared God. i have found myself looking at people at the store and stuff and wondering if they ever feel the way i do, and if they don't, they're lucky. i wish i could just turn it off as soon as the feeling comes on. i feel that this anxiety is just slowly killing me ya know? its so weird how the same things you fear, are what i fear. i'm afraid to get sick, i am so afraid to suffer, i don't want my life to come to an end, especially young, i am afraid to be without danny, the thought of something happening to me and leaving him here can instantly break my heart... ya know and even though there isn't cancer in my family (for now) i just never want to experience it ya know? my mom has to go in again for her mammogram thing, a few months ago there was something there which turned out to be nothing, but now she has to go back in that 6 month period of time, and that scares me. the matter of one appointment could change everything forever. and when drew died it really bothered me, in many ways. he was 21, he had no clue that thanksgiving of 2007 would be his last day alive... i remembered instantly him telling me how he wanted to be a lawyer, he wanted to go to school, obviously he wanted to get married... ya know so that made me think... I wonder what the end will be for me and i pray to God it isn't anytime soon. the fear of the unknown, the thought of life being so fragile, its scary and i try really hard to not think about it so much, but that is my downfall. my gosh, i think all the time. i get caught up in my thoughts and they just end up turning on me later. ya know, i wrote that post hoping you would have some words of wisdom or could at least say "i know how you feel" and sure enough, you did. its nice to know that i am not a freak and this isn't something no one else goes through. life is too short, and for some its way too short. i know that focusing on that is only going to make me notice one day that i have worried my life away. i don't want that! i got a sense of relief blogging about it though. i feel like i keep it all in and that seems to make it worse... anyway, i guess i really need to learn to totally put all my faith into God and not to fear death or loss or illness... its my weakness, it always has been. i just don't know how to be rid of it all!!!! oh we must definitely talk soon! <3