its been a long time coming.
the sound of rain outside my window is the sound of cleansing; a refreshing; a purging, of myself. last night, i bagged all of my old journals, all of my past, years of situations and circumstances and prepped them for the trash. anyone who knows me, knows thats a lot of journals [maybe over 20 or so; dating back to when i was young]. yesterday in church, for the first time in a long time, i know i heard God speak to me....and it was loud and clear.
"Get rid of your journals; don't cling to that past."
Dad mentioned how someone once said that sin is like a dog. it digs in your trash and makes a mess. for far to long i've let the dogs play. well, yesterday God broke barriers in me. i was down on my face crying out to Him. i couldn't help but call out and totally surrender myself to Him. I humbled myself and for the first time, in a long time, i was able to press into God. It opened my eyes to see that i could no longer identify myself the way i had been for so long. that familiarity. the depression. the destruction. the guilt. the pain. the hurt. it could never be completely healed/forgiven/forgotten unless i let it all go. i cannot let dogs dig it up any longer. when Jesus died- Christ became my identity-NOT those things. those things only lead to death. NOT life. NOT Him. today i am bringing them to the trash. my identity can no longer be in those things. it is and was extremely hard for me to get rid of those "experiences", those "memories"....not all of them were bad things in those journals! but i know God doesn't want me/us looking back. if i do, if WE do....we will be like lot's wife...we will turn to pillars of salt.
thank you Jesus for redemption! thank you for for not letting go. thank you for loving, never leaving and never losing hope.
i pray to fully find my identity in Him. no longer in "who am i' because i am a new creation.....grant me your wisdom in all that i do.....let your ways be my ways and your thoughts be my thoughts.
i don't listen to jeremy camp [not a fan...anymore] but i heard this song on the radio this morning....and it just fit: "let this old life crumble. let it fade....you can rest. you will find rest."