28 March 2008

here's to the good life.

god, sometimes i can be really pathetic you know. i could care who reads this right now....im in a moment. a moment that i hate but i'm here, so lets go with it. i hate how everything changes. my life was majorly altered almost 4 years ago now and it will never go back to the way it was. "change is good" they say. "i've been there" they say. "everything will work out" they say. yeah, well i am ready for that everything to fall into place....because no, you haven't been there. you have NOT been in my position. i am sorry. yeah, for all i know you could be worse off. but in all honesty, and im sorry for being selfish, but in all honesty its hard for me to even care when i hurt so bad. i can live. i can carry on with my daily life. but this scare burns my skin. burns my heart. burns my past. i can't even look at pictures from before. i can't bring myself to memories. everything would be better off erased because it can never exist anymore. and for that, i get scared to even care sometimes.

i miss you mom. i can't go on much longer. i really cannot bare it anymore. my heart hurts to much.


1 comment:

lost teeth said...

you are so brave. i am so sorry for your pain and am sending you good thoughts from far away even though i know nothing anyone says can makeit better. xo